Ode to my debate coach

In response to many requests, I've posted my poem honoring our much-loved and much-feared debate coach, Mr. Wirtz. Here it is, folks...


Mr. Wirtz Is Coming On Down
(sung to the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town")

You’d better not shout,
You’d better not whine,
You’d better write your case, and say it in time!
Mr. Wirtz is coming on down!

He knows if you’ve been posting,
He knows if you will break,
He knows if you’ve debated well,
So debate, for goodness’ sake!

You’d better stand up,
You’d better not sigh,
You’d better not ad hominem, I’m telling you why!
Mr. Wirtz is coming on down!

He knows who won their cases,
He knows who you’ll debate,
He knows if you followed the rules,
So be good, for goodness’ sake!

You’d better speak up,
Extemporize well
Take copious notes—your questions will tell!
Mr. Wirtz is coming on down!

He knows.....!
Mr. Wirtz is coming on down!