Christmas In The Parking Garage

I wrote this last Christmas, filed it and somehow didn't get around to posting it until now. When it got around to Advent again, I remembered this piece I had written and decided to post it now that it's getting close enough to Christmas.

I got to thinking last night [Christmas Eve] as my father read us the Christmas story. He gathered my little brothers around his feet and read the account from Luke. To clarify a point, he rephrased a line or two into modern terms for my little brothers: “So when Mary and Joseph got there to Bethlehem, the hotel was full. They didn't know where to stay, but they said they could stay back in the stable, where everyone parked their donkeys and horses.” Listening to this, I thought back on the story. I think about the true meaning of Christmas far more than a lot of people, and I am certainly familiar with the story backwards and forwards, but do we really think about the way it was? We set up our Nativity scenes, we hang a star on our porch and candles in the window, but do we really know what it must have been like? Even the stable, rough accommodation as it was, is always painted in a rosy glow. Mary had to have her baby out back in the stable—in modern terms, in the parking garage. What was it like—not if it happened now, for it didn't, and the Lord had his reasons for sending Christ when he did—but how would it have sounded to a first-century Jew who was hearing the story for the first time, translated culturally?

“Mary and Joseph lived somewhere out West, but had to come back home for some pressing reason. But all they had to drive was a motorcycle, so Mary rode behind Joseph nine-months pregnant all the way back home. When they got here, the hotels were all full, so they were told they could stay in the parking garage in case a room opened up. That night Mary had her baby, in the cold, in the garage, with only the blankets and coats that they had with them. That same night, the graveyard shift workers at the mill down the road went out to take a cigarette break behind the building and had quite a surprise! They dashed back through the plant on their way downtown, shouting some story about seeing an angel chorus out behind the mill. When they went to each of the hospitals and hotels downtown, they couldn't find anyone who knew about a baby being born that night. They finally remembered the second part of the message and found Mary and Joseph in the garage. A few nights later, three strange men from Central Asia flew into town. They couldn't speak very good English, but they managed to find the governor's mansion up by the state capitol. They left there after a reportedly stormy conference with the governor and got back in their rental car, which was stuffed to the windows with luggage, and drove straight to a hotel room on the 7th floor of the biggest hotel in town, oddly enough the one Mary and Joseph--and the baby--had received after that terrible night in the parking garage. There they seemed to find what they were looking for, for they left on the next flight out for Kazakhstan.”

No, it's not parallel. God didn't send His Son for Christmas 2006, and I for one am glad He chose to send Him when He did. But does it make you think? Do you feel sorry for poor Mary, stuck in a parking garage giving birth to her first child? The hourly workers from the mill had an unbelievable story—why would an angel appear to some guys smoking out behind the plant?--what HAD they been smoking? Who told the three men from the East that a baby would be found in a parking garage downtown? Apparently they left home even before Mary and Joseph arrived back home!

I thought y'all would like that. It really struck me just how amazing this story must have sounded to the first-century Jews to whom Bethlehem, Jerusalem, and Judea; the inn and even the stable were familiar reality, not just an ethereal, faintly-remembered story connected in their minds with fruitcake and ornaments on a tree. May the intense REALITY of Christmas, when the Maker of the Heavens came down to be born, incarnated as a frail, human child to bring us salvation, fill your hearts and minds this Christmas season and on through the year!

The Preventer of Information Services

This is what Mom and Dad call me sometimes: either that or "IT: the Impairment of Technology Department". If something goes wrong, they look for me--probably I have been messing up some settings someplace (fine-tuning, according to me). They mention a certain time I updated OUR network and then headed off for an overseas trip (no kidding). I seem to remember trying to talk them through a major network glitch over a trans-pacific Skype connection...Remind me not to make changes right before I leave for somewhere! I saw this Dilbert comic strip yesterday and it brought it all back.


Note: Dilbert® is copyrighted, but I figured this fair use--I pulled it off of the daily page at http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/. Many thanks to Dilbert.com for making it available online, and as always my use of this strip does not imply their or the author or publisher's endorsement or permission in any way.

North Carolinians for Home Education Annual Conference 2006

This weekend I will be at North Carolinians for Home Education’s Annual Conference. http://nche.com/conference.html We will have live blogging at the event, and I will be on the team. Look out on http://www.nche.com/conf/!

In His Service,
John Calvin

Ode to my debate coach

In response to many requests, I've posted my poem honoring our much-loved and much-feared debate coach, Mr. Wirtz. Here it is, folks...


Mr. Wirtz Is Coming On Down
(sung to the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town")

You’d better not shout,
You’d better not whine,
You’d better write your case, and say it in time!
Mr. Wirtz is coming on down!

He knows if you’ve been posting,
He knows if you will break,
He knows if you’ve debated well,
So debate, for goodness’ sake!

You’d better stand up,
You’d better not sigh,
You’d better not ad hominem, I’m telling you why!
Mr. Wirtz is coming on down!

He knows who won their cases,
He knows who you’ll debate,
He knows if you followed the rules,
So be good, for goodness’ sake!

You’d better speak up,
Extemporize well
Take copious notes—your questions will tell!
Mr. Wirtz is coming on down!

He knows.....!
Mr. Wirtz is coming on down!